


Say Goodbye When You're Gone

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Series: Obi-Wan "The Therapist" Kenobi and How He Changed Everything [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Mentions of surgery, Original Character Death(s), References to Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: Sole was the best of them, because he knew what it was like to feel like the worst.
Series: Obi-Wan "The Therapist" Kenobi and How He Changed Everything [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584874
Comments: 24
Kudos: 335





	Say Goodbye When You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

> First: I am sorry.
> 
> Second: Yes, I swear, we will finish the Kadavo arc. I'm getting there, I promise. It's taking forever because my brain won't work with me and when it will, the characters won't work with me. I'm trying.
> 
> **WARNING:** This fic contains a scene of an almost-suicide attempt and suicidal ideation. There are references to depression. There is a character death that is mourned by the characters. Read at your own discretion.

Cody sits at his desk, hidden away in the private office he’s lucky enough to have. He doesn’t want anyone to see him right now.

He knows that he should be with his squad. They need him right now. The loss of Sole must be hitting them all harder than they had thought was possible.

In the short time he’d been a part of “A” Squad, Sole had become an integral part of their group. He came to them from the loss of his entire squad all those months ago on Umbara. He’d been alone - young and shy and hurting. It took time, but he opened up to the rest of them. He got his name, learned to smile again.

And in time, he became “A” Squad’s ray of sunshine. Sole was bright and happy. He was warm and did everything he could to be comforting. He was sweet and spent a lot of free time with the shinies - especially those who were struggling.

Sole was the best of them, because he knew what it was like to feel like the worst. He knew what rockbottom was like.

More tears slip down Cody’s cheeks as he remembers that night, not even a month into having Sole in their squad.

Sole didn’t show up to dinner. No one had seen him since his shift ended. He skipped their training slot in the evening.

It was like a switch had flipped. Just the day before, Sole had been smiling. He laughed louder and longer than most brothers did, which just made it all the more infectious. Sole was good at lifting other people’s spirits. Then they had group therapy again that evening. It started out fine, but as the conversation went on, Sole got quieter and quieter. They tried to pull him back out of whatever downward spiral he’d found himself in, but it didn’t work.

Sole hugged all of them later that night when they bunked down for the evening. He even came to find Cody in the officer’s barracks to say goodnight.

Cody thought he heard a sniffle follow Sole down the hallway as he turned to leave, but he couldn’t be sure. He’d gotten the distinct feeling that Sole had wanted to say something else, too, but hadn’t.

The signs were worrying, to say the least.

When finally they’d realized he’d been missing for nearly three hours, Cody split them up to look for him.

It didn’t take long.

Sole was in the squad’s barracks, alone. He was sitting on the floor, crumpled in on himself. Tears streaked his face, but no emotions showed through. He stared blankly at the wall like he couldn’t even see it.

He held a DC-17 in his hands, the barrel pressed over his heart.

The night had not ended the way Cody had feared it would.

With time and support, Sole got better. His smiles were a little smaller, but just a tad more genuine. His laughter was quieter, but it meant so much more. He spoke in soft tones with gentle words and it made everyone feel safe with him.

Sole told them later that he wouldn’t have pulled the trigger. He wouldn’t have been able to do it, because of his squad. They would have saved him, even if they hadn’t shown up.

(Cody ugly-cried in Obi-Wan’s quarters after hearing that.)

But now… Sole’s gone.

He died not long ago, flat-lining in the emergency surgery that was supposed to save his life. Cody had just finished going through the official casualty report. The notification went out to the whole squad not long after.

Cody’s lip wobbles dangerously.

A notification comes through on his datapad. It’s a group message to all of “A” Squad.

From Sole.

Cody’s eyes widen. For a second, less than a second, he’s hopeful.

_Please, let it be a mistake._

Then reality catches up with him. No, he knows Sole is gone. He got the notification. He saw the automatic record change.

Sole is gone. This is a previously scheduled message, likely triggered by his status being changed to KIA.

Cody wipes his face and stands to leave the office. His squad’s barracks aren’t far. He hopes they’re all there right now. ~~He hasn’t checked the schedule recently.~~

They are, he finds. They sit around the squished little room, staring blankly at their own comm units.

“Commander,” Whisper acknowledges when he looks up. He looks more than a little shell-shocked.

“Did you see the message?” Ri asks.

Cody shakes his head and takes a seat by one of the triplets, Esme. “Haven’t watched it yet,” he offers.

He holds out his datapad and opens the message. It’s a video recording. It begins to play in a projected hologram above the device.

The recording displays Sole, all his color lost to the blue of the hologram. He’s sitting on his bunk and looking straight forward at the recorder.

_”Hi guys,”_ he starts with a soft smile. _“It’s Sole. If you’re watching this, then that must mean I’ve died. I hope you never have to watch this, or that it at least comes a long time from now. But since I’m not with you anymore, I wanted to leave you with something. I heard about a few other_ vode _doing this, and thought it was a good idea. So here we are. I want to tell you guys a few things, now that I’ve gone._

_”First, I love you all. I try to tell you that often and show you in my actions, but just for repetition’s sake - I love you.”_

Cody swallows. Tears well in his eyes again.

_”Second, I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. I know what it’s like. I know you all know what it’s like. We’ve all lost people before. I wasn’t the first and certainly I won’t be the last. But I also want you to know that I’m okay. I’m marching ahead, to join my batchers and our other brothers. I’ve missed them. I’ll be watching your backs, and keeping the way safe for you, too.”_

Sole smiles at them through it all. He doesn’t get choked up, he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t even fidget. All he does is sit and smile at them. His eyes are genuine - wide and shining. He looks happy. Peaceful.

Cody wishes he could say the same for himself.

_”One more thing, and I’d like this part to be shared with anyone who might need to hear it, okay? Start here._

_”I just want to remind you, in case your mind is playing tricks on you today: You matter. You’re important. You’re_ loved _. And your presence in this world makes a difference whether you see it or not.”_

A sob escapes Cody without his permission. Whisper leans into his side comfortingly.

_”Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me, guys. Without you, I wouldn’t have been around to make this holo. You made my world brighter just by being in it. You saved me when I couldn’t save myself. So_ thank you _. I love you, and I will see you on the other side._ Ret’uryce mhi _.”_

The recording shuts off, and Sole is gone.

Cody holds his squad close and lets himself break down for a little while.

He’ll get back to his duties later. He’ll go find General Kenobi and try to convince him to take care of himself later. He’ll be better later.

But for right now, he sits and cries with his brothers. Missing one of their own like a missing limb, made easier by their ray of sunshine leaving them one last goodbye in his absence.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so, so sorry. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this fic. Comments and kudos are always appreciated, I always love to hear what you thought.
> 
> I have a blog for this series. If you're interested, you can [find it here](https://obiwanthetherapistkenobi.tumblr.com/). Come scream at me if you want.
> 
> Also, as a note, I will be writing this fic in the present tense from now on. I am going through all the previous installments and editing them to also be in the present tense. They aren't _very_ different, but they are enough for me to encourage you to go reread them if you want to.
> 
> Anyway, thank you again for reading!


End file.
